WW Patience, Limbo amd Fear

[Core]

Since I'm so close to the end of the line here, I started a relationship chat. I dont want to put too much out here in case it comes back to us...I found some history and it showed nothing. Just nothing. No self improving, no attempts to D. Nothing. I found a saved file on our computer and on it was her perspective, writing out how she much she hates me, my actions, and well just about everything about me. Even if W cheated on me physically, I couldnt imagine putting something like that in writing. It tells me a few things...she is feeling worse and worse towards me as time goes, likely isn't on the fence about the R and she has levels of anger and hatred I need to protect the kids and I from. Not saying she's unsafe with the kids. Shes great with them. The negative energy can be sensed however if science is correct.

If she feels that way, the kids dont need to see me be around that. Its healthy for no one. I know this is just how she feels at THIS moment but hasnt it been long enough? She's had since September to do something...anything. I had a chat to ask her whats going on with her and to help me determine if she is a narc and I need to run. She showed quite a few signs of narc but I still have a little doubt. The blame continues to be on me, even for things there is no evidence for. She acknowledge some points I brought up. Some turned on me but some was acknowledged so maybe im overly sensitive. Either way, our status hasnt changed.

I know per DB it should be all about her during chats...but I dont care which way we go now. I dont want to spend much more time around a toxic person filled with conditional love that hates me and cannot look internally at themselves. I feel badly for her, deeply. Surprisingly the file I found didnt affect me much. Old me would've broken down and cried. Now I think as maybe a WAH would...I barely cared. Just more of the same. I'm planning my departure, setting a deadline. I'll give one last shot before I file then I'm out. I was hard to be around, I get that. If I did and said the things shes done, I cant imagine how she'd react. If Im gone, maybe she'll find a new enemy and the kids can have co parents that at least tolerate each other. Im afraid if I stay longer, it can go so far as me never being about to forgive. For my health, I dont want to hold the negatively forever. My kids need a healthy pillar.

Im sorry all, I know this is a marriage saving site. I think I have to tap out before I will with hatred as she has. All this over fixable things.