Journaling... Found myself getting frustrated yesterday and was having trouble remaining upbeat around H. Our life is pretty much unchanged minus him sleeping in the study. Every day we take care of the baby, eat dinner together, often will spend the evenings watching TV together (although I'm working on doing my own thing at night instead based on what I feel like doing). I often feel like my situation isn't as "active" as others on this site. I wonder if the lack of our change in pace other than not sleeping together is him being unsure if he really wants to S or if he just can't afford it right now so he feels like an in house S is the best he can do. ~8 months ago he was spending more time away from me. I don't want to live like this for years but he's never been one to take much initiative so I have a hard time picturing him filing and moving out on his own. Or maybe he's just hoping I'll get so fed up with him taking up the study with the ugly pull out couch constantly being out that I'll ask him to get it over with and leave???
I feel like I'm detaching to the point where I feel like I will be fine if he does leave me, my concerns are around my baby and upsetting my family (at this point they don't have any idea and are very fond of H).
The other day, we were discussing an annual music festival we've attended multiple years in the past which is featuring a few bands he likes this summer. I made a reference to him likely wanting to go and his response was "Well how would we go?" referring to my breastfeeding situation. My immediate thought was, "I was thinking you could go alone...." When he makes comments like that referring to things we'll do together in the future, it makes me pause becuase I'd think if he wants a S he'd be thinking of doing more WITHOUT me.
