Perils of piecing - thread 8

[may22]

hi Alison,

It does sound like a really good week. I'm so glad for you.

No progress on MC. I'm just not ready yet. I am still with my IC and I want to concentrate on that. But I have been clear with H about that without blaming him. I know it sounds like a bad idea - and it might be - but I think I have a right to go at my pace and protect myself and get my head in the right place before starting something like this. I think I need to be in the place where I can bring myself to believe my H and I am not there yet, though I am working on it.

This is really fantastic, Alison. You know what you need and you aren't there yet and I completely agree that you shouldn't start till you are ready to start. The fact that you're working on it getting there and have been able to communicate that to your H is really great. To me, really knowing yourself and what you need in this (or any) situation is an enormous plus and truly isn't easy to do.

But this is one small thing and the good thing is that I don't feel I am walking on eggshells or avoiding saying what I want to say in order to contain that weird angry hostile alien that takes over his body sometimes. I don't feel afraid of that person any more. I just leave the room.

I also think this is really wonderful. You've taken the power back from him to hurt or upset you (and, my guess is by doing this, are also helping to extinguish the behavior because he isn't getting a response from you anymore).

The story about the fuel and his over-the-top reaction makes me think he is really in such a difficult place. Can you imagine being so, so insecure and frightened of anything that would be construed as criticism that you can't even answer a simple question about whether or not you fueled up the car? Yikes. Honestly, I know that it is awful to be on the receiving end of that, but hopefully the time you're giving both of you to get in a better place for MC before you start will also help him to relax and let go and be able to hear what you're really saying, not with all the layers of insecurity and fear and reactionary aggression.

You are on your own path, at your own pace, and it sounds like able to see the progress. That is wonderful.