Today is such a hard day

[oceangrl]

Weekend Update:

It was not easy, but I am super proud of myself. Saturday he took me to exchange a present and we were cordial but didn't talk much about anything. Yesterday he avoided me for most of the day. I know our church leader spoke with him regarding the marriage but H never mentioned it to me. I did not ask. I kept myself busy. Took a walk, called my sister for a bit. When he is in the same room with me but ignores me by being on his phone or computer or sleeping, it really hurts, and I felt the urge to talk to him about it and tell him how I felt and ask him to try again (you know that urge). But I didn't do it. I stayed positive. Later, I went downstairs while he napped and made dinner and put it in the oven. I was sitting on the couch looking at my phone when he came downstairs. He sat down and began chatting with me. We all ate dinner together, and then afterward he sat by me again and asked what I wanted to watch with him. Such a weird change but I rolled with it.

I had an appointment with my doctor today. He is aware of our past. He told me I should see an IC and take care of myself. He told me that he noticed I seem to be the one trying everything and H tries least minimum effort. He told me in his opinion I need to figure out soon what i am going to do about this relationship (divorce) as it is hurting me and he feels it's gone on long enough. He's a good guy.

Anyway, point of post is I am proud of myself for saying nothing and fighting those urges to do the same thing I always do out of pain.