quote=may22] I still am wondering in your sitch if it hurts to just be honest with him about what you feel.[/quote]
This is why I sent him the email a month or so ago telling him the door was still open. Among the many messages where we discussed the OW/bunny boiler, I said I believed him, that it was hard because what was being said (by others) hurt me because I still loved him but that I was trying to understand. Again, he ignored anything that wasn't directly defending/denying the rumors going around. He did say that it was because he cared about me (and I guess what I think of him) that he was defending/denying at all - otherwise he'd ignore it. I will take you up on your suggestion that if there is an opening at mediation that I'll try and open up. Maybe it will be different in person.
Originally Posted by may22
I might be willing to bet that part of his justification for continuing down his path is that you seem fine, you're also acting as if things are rosy
I agree with you. But honestly, I don't know how else to act. Preparing the house gives me focus. For the longest time I've been stuck in this uncertain place where I've been unable to plan and unable to invest financially or emotionally. One way or another, I see an end to that uncertainty and am excited about it. Also, I've learned to fake his rainbows and unicorn demeanor. Admittedly it's gotten less fake over the last few weeks - I think the thought of having a future, any future, has made my thinking a little less grey.
Originally Posted by AlisonUK
How are you doing FS
Not going to lie, it's been a tough week. This time has been harder than others. A bit like the first time they went away. I do think its because I see an end to it all. I've missed them terribly.
I've been out a lot, which has helped, but the weekends have been long and it was sometimes hard to get myself motivated. I watched a lot of rubbish TV. It was fine once I'd get started, hauling bag after bag out to the hired skip. I've managed to do a fair bit, and I suspect H was shocked when he saw just how full the skip was.
Originally Posted by Yail
Perhaps you don't wish to share, but have you started searching for ideas on where you might move
I've been doing some research. I probably won't buy straight away. The employment climate is a little too uncertain at the moment (which is why I'm selling up in the first place) to buy. The main advantage of moving is that I will have the proceeds from the sale which will give me some breathing space until the employment market levels out again. Right now I could lose my job at any point and being tied into a huge mortgage just wouldn't be ideal.
And yes, I kept all the HDMI cables. Can never have too many of them. I did pack all theoutdated iphone rechargers and headphones in one of the boxes for him along with an assortment of cables which I've no idea what they go with
Originally Posted by Yorkie
Grab the situation by the proverbials and make it yours.
Ah, Yorkie, can always count on you for a good metaphore !!!!
Yes, you are absolutely right, and I am trying. It isn't easy, but I do see an end in sight and I am trying to make my way towards it.
************ Journalling
He is back. Napping upstairs in the spare room with D10 after a long flight. D13 is also upstairs napping.
When the got back I gave the girls both a hug. D10 gave me hugs back and then asked her dad where my present was, chocolates and a hotel room size bottle of tequila (which H informed me is an expensive brand - not that I'd know, I hate tequila). D13 reluctantly gave me a hug and then went to then fridge to see if there was any food .
I said hello to H. He had a go at me for emailing the childrens school re their not being at school today as he had already emailed them (and didn't think to cc me).
I told him in future could he cc me on any school correspondence (same as I do when I contact the school). He huffed and said that as the girls were with him he thought it was his responsibility to contact the school. Also, I was expecting our dog to be returned yesterday and only found out by accident that his mum was not returning her until today and I asked him to let me know, in future if plans change. He huffed again, moaned for a bit and I said things would be a lot smoother if he simply remembered to copy me in on things and/or message me to confirm changes in plans. I heard him say "shut up" under his breath before he went upstairs to take a nap.
I think he was probably a little shocked at how far I've gotten with the house. The downstairs, apart from the boxes of stuff I've packed, looks like a show home. I've bought a couple of bits and pieces and moved stuff around to finish off empty spaces. He glanced around the living room, said something along the lines of "D10 still plays with some of those toys, have YOU checked with her" and then grumbled as he walked away. I had actually just finished discussing the toys with D10 so smiled and said, yes, we were just talking about that.
It is d@mn hard trying to assert myself and also maintain a friendly demeanor, i.e. offering a safe space. He gets so riled up even over (what I think) are reasonable requests.
