I don't want a divorce II ---- NEW THREAD Part 2

[SteveLW]

KC, I would 180 on the showing him respect. Sorry, but no one deserves respect when they are cheating on their spouse. I don't care who they are. To me cheating is the lowest form of scum behavior a person can engage in.

I implore you to please please please just focus on yourself right now. There is nothing you can say or do to get your H back, he has to come back of his own accord. Even then I think you should really think long and hard about allowing him to come back.

I've written before about the rose-colored glasses we LBS put on. Almost all of us do this. Before BD, truth be told, we weren't really that happy ourselves. But after we get BD'd something flips in us and we think our spouse and our marriage was the best thing we ever had, and we can't imagine living without it. I know I did that in my own sitch. My MR relationship was awful. I was very unhappy. But when I found out my W was in an EA, and I initiated BD, suddenly I couldn't imagine being happy without her and our MR.

Likely there is a good deal of that going on for you. If you go back prior to BD it sounds like there was a lot of problems and sources of stress. Your work schedules are less than ideal. Having to stop the entire household for one spouse to sleep during the day is always stressful. (I remember my dad being on midnights when I was kid and it was awful!). Factor in kids and pets and the normal everyday life minutia, and what you end up with is two spouses so stressed out that their MR could never be a happy one. I think if you look back objectively at your MR pre-BD you will see exactly what I am talking about.

KC, please do what I asked you to, and step back from your sitch, look at it objectively like a friend would. Think about what you would say to a friend that was going through what you currently are going through. What would you say to that friend? What would you advise them to do? It is amazing what a chance of perspective can do for you.

If you read this forum at all you will see that I am staunchly anti-D. I think D is a moral and ethical affront to society. However, when there is cheating involved I think D is wholly justified for the LBS. The ball is now in your court. I know you think this man walks on water.......but do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone that is behaving as he is?