I am newbie here. Thank you for letting me join. I am at the lowest point of my whole life and I don't even know where to start putting the pieces back together. About a month ago I found out my H was/ is having an affair. (with a girl half his age) It has been going on for eight or nine months. He has lived a double life. I don't know how. He has lied to me with every breath, every day. I don't know how. I don't know how anyone could do that and sleep at night. We have been together nearly 25years, married for almost 20 years. He is the only man I've ever been intimate with. I know that is twee and old fashioned and not the norm these days but we met in college and he is the only man I've ever known. I can't even begin to comprehend the lies. The betrayal. The deception. I read one of the sticky threads that says I won't die. I will survive it. But I sure don't believe that right now. It doesn't feel that way right now.
I asked him to leave. He has an apartment now. He swears the affair is over. (who the heck knows if that is true.) He says it is over and it was WRONG and I can trust and believe that. But he isn't sure he wants to save the marriage or work on anything.
I am in free fall. This life, our life. It is all I have ever known. I am a stay at home mom and wife. I am very educated but haven't worked in a long time because we have moved for his career and his promotions. I am currently completely financially dependent on him. (I half joke when I remember how I skipped feminist theory classes in college to make out with him. I would come back to our apartment and fall into our bed and say "I am oppressed. I am oppressed. I need to liberate myself and not be intertwined with you." And then I would kiss him and forget all the lessons the stern faced feminist professor tried to teach me.) I am so scared. I don't know what to do. I am reading the posts and the books. I have done everything wrong so far and I am trying to do better.
