Well, TJT, you seemed to have disappeared. Come on out hun, the water is fine.
I did an interesting thing the other day, which was re-read a few of my posts from a year ago. I couldn't remember exactly what I had written about. I remember now - it was right around the time I started really coming out of my active grief and started making steps towards figuring out what I wanted in my life and who Yail was. I was changing my aesthetic, being bold in my social sphere, and digging in to my work. I can't believe that was a year ago.
Outwardly I sound very similar to that woman, but inwardly I am so different. I am so much calmer. I have so much more peace. This is part of the original Yail - the woman who I was when partnered with XW. I was inwardly content, and I am again inwardly content. I don't always have to be "on" for those around me. I don't have to prove I'm okay. I have come so much further in my acceptance of the fact that my W left, and that I am divorced. I feel like I'm merging my new self with my old self - and coming in to greater balance.
****** Today my mom, SIL and bro came over to my apartment. My bro and SIL needed haircuts (my mom is a hairdresser) and my apartment is in the middle of their houses. Also, I promised everyone cinnamon buns. So that was a fun afternoon of sitting around, drinking some wine, eating cinnamon buns, and chatting while haircuts were given.
It was a gorgeous day out, and I went for a nice long walk. What a beautiful part of town I live in. I'm determined to take advantage while I'm here.
Tonight I made a lovely mushroom risotto, and having it with a bottle of Prosecco. I love Sunday dinners. Yesterday I made a great bubbly mac and cheese (mom's recipe, of course). Friday I was in a foul mood and ordered a large buffalo chicken pizza (note to self: stop ordering a large!). I have so many carb-heavy leftovers to eat.
Tomorrow is a crazy day of intense meetings. I'm looking forward to it. I love digging my hands in to my work, and I'm currently mapping out what my growth at my employer might look like. I want more.
I've been procrastinating on a lot of my personal projects. Some PHP studying (done positively zero), and making plans on how I'm going to educate myself for my future farm. I keep hoping I might vacation by WWOOFing again this spring, but perhaps domestically. But I haven't done the work to reaching out to farmers and see if I might be of assistance. I have to remind myself: If I want this future lifestyle I need to work for it. Now is the time for me to continuously learn so that when an opportunity presents itself I don't back away because I feel unqualified. I have so many opportunities I can seize - I just need to get out of my own way.
Well, tonight isn't the night though. Tonight I play video games and drink wine.
