Hope, I know it’s hard but choosing not to participate in his blame n’ shame sessions will help prevent these emotional hangovers. Eg. “I’ve apologised for my mistakes and flaws In the past. I’m not interested in discussing our marriage since it is now over. My only concern is for D4’s safety and happiness moving forward.”
He may have gotten angry with you because your acceptance and accomodation of his request disrupts his narrative of you being the bad guy. He needs to continue justifying his decision to cheat and leave by vilifying you. So your niceness makes him feel uncomfortable because it reminds him that he did very wrong by you. The guilt and shame he feels gets projected onto you because he lacks the coping skills to deal with these emotions.
