So being bad at communication justifies going back on marriage vows, lying to your wife, and cheating with an OW?
Nothing you've told us justifies what he is doing. Nothing. It reminds me of when my wife tried to be upset with me for snooping. I said to her "So snooping is worse than there being something for me to find??" She had to agree that it wasn't.
You're making a ton of excuses for him. You know what is a good exercise? Stepping out of your shoes and pretending you're a friend observing this from outside the relationship.
If your friend was you, and her husband was behaving this way, what would you say to her?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
