I don't want a divorce II ---- NEW THREAD Part 2

[oceangrl]

So this morning I was already up. Showered and looking good. Wore clothes I dont typically wear unless out of town [I wear scrubs tonwork].

I did not know if he was showing up when or if at all.

I say Hello and I'm working with the dogs and getting them settled.

I made huge mistake in asking if he was sleeping here today... honestly just to make it quiet for him. He said no.

I asked if he was moving out. He said he was trying to even looking for crappy places just to get out. I asked where he was staying and then immediately said it's not my business... he said friends.

Ugh... terrible chasing on my part because I said male or female... he said female. I said was this more than friends... he said to definite more than friends. I was quiet. He stated he has known this person 30yr. She definitely wants more. He says it would not be a good thing and nothing that would ever be long term successful.

I dropped it...

Ok.. here comes the begging... I told him he was the best thing g to ever happen to me and he was the hardest working man I know. He just said stop.

H: You lost interest in me.
Me: I lost the ability to show interest in you.
H: YOU lost interest in me... [implying it was the same thing]
H: I've got to be done. It will get better for 2 weeks and then be bad for 3 months.

I went back to house doing my own thing.

He feel asleep at the kitchen table for awhile... showered and dressed in work clothes.

I went about my business putting on shoes to go with outfit... nice wedges and the whole ensemble is a 180... I only dress like that when out of town or special occasion. I want looking to see if he noticed but at some point we bumped spaces in the kitchen and I caught his eyes on ME... but it was a quick glance to my stomach... which is not as flat as it used to be... but I'm working on it. And the outfit helped hide a little. I was wearing a tight top that showed cleavage and showed off my big knockers... that I know he loves. If the extra weight had gone to my but not a big deal but I have always known he doesnt like a big belly on a man or woman.

My last big mistake was saying if he would take care of the dogs when I am gone in March... frack... future talk. He was grumpy in his response... then could S18 do it...then saying I dont know where I am going to be. That was prob my biggest mistake of the day.

I thought he was leaving but he settled down in his recliner and started online gaming... something g he told me he quit doing. I left him be and got ready to leave.

I asked if it was ok to leave dogs in house... he said he thought so and wanted to know how long I be gone... I said an hr. He said he was going to X... I'm sure to get the rest of the stuff needed to finish garage... he hadn't been in a hurry before but I think he wants no reason to return.

I'm in a parking lot to give myself space so I quit making mistakes

You've already told him you want to be with him.

You've already told him you don't want divorce and you feel you can change. Don't tell him anymore. That's not working. As it says in DR, don't do more of the same.

Now show him. But show him by doing it for you.

Stop asking his permission to do things. Stop asking him if it's okay to leave the dogs inside or if he can help you with them. Instead, say something like, "I'm heading out. Dogs in or out?" or "I'm heading out. Put the dogs out when you leave."
"We will have to make arrangements for dogs in March. How can you help?"

As far as an AP goes, I asked my husband straight out if he had one and he said no. He had been with someone for a year already. Integrity and affairs don't go together.

Make a playlist of awesome songs that make you happy and feel empowered.

When he looks at your stomach, instead of feeling less than think "what a jerk. I can do better."

Flip the script. Think of something he did unkind to you today and realize he doesn't treat you very well.

Yes, you made mistakes. Well, he's not exactly a knight in shining armor right now either. Because you haven't forgiven yourself yet you keep beating yourself up. He is acting like a big fat victim and you definitely want to stop playing into that.

You've got this. Start telling yourself you do.