How do you fight for your H? You fight for him by letting him go. Again, DBing is counter intuitive. It goes against your natural instincts to chase and convince him to stay.
But it seems like with the comments he is looking for someone to fight for him.... he wants someone to fight for him, or I guess ita more that he wants someone else to fight for him....
I just dont want him walking away feeling I didnt fight for him.
Here is your problem. As the LBS, no matter what you do, he'll say it's the wrong thing. If you fight and chase he'll accuse you of smothering him and being controlling. If you DB he'll claim he wants to be chased and fought for. You're darned if you do and darned if you don't..... According to his words.
But if you let him go, give him time and space, then all these other dynamics we've talked about could eventually come into play. He'll get curious why you aren't chasing, calling, hounding. As you distance, he'll get the urge to pursue. Whether he does or not, none of us know.
What I can't tell you is I've seen dozens, maybe hundreds of these sitches, and pressure and pursuit work in less than 1% of the cases. DBing only gives you a 50/50 chance, less the worse you are at it. As you can see, the best chance you have is to DB the best you can. But it isn't up to you or anyone else other than him ultimately.
It's all up to him.
That is what happened last time.. I pulled back and made some changes... he came to me. BUT, AND A VERY BIG BUT, he wasnt as committed to leaving... he had more doubts as to what direction and he never told his parents. This time his actions are lining up with his words.
Well he is probably annoyed that I'm dressed up. He is stressed and smoking a lot. The stress probably comes from salt having to be here... which is why he is finishing up garage tasks.
He is still here this am... he briefly relaxed and did online game, then left for store to get garage stuff. When he returned he was back in garage for awhile... came out stating the part he needs is an hour away. I said you are not doing that today? He said no and just left again. I think to return the part he bought but who knows.
I will let go...
I will focus more on me... I will delay paperwork as best I can... I will continue not to call or text. I will pull away from him. I will stop checking in... I will not ask him to participate in the show we got expensive tickets for or our massages scehuled this week.
He can look at the calendar... unless he removed that from his phone.
My H can be an Ahole at times. But he makes a valid point about it will be good and then bad but his rewriting history of just 2 weeks in harsh but whatever.
In his mind right now he is not coming back.
I have to stop looking at FB... I have to focus on me only. Stop asking him if he wants dinner. He is a big boy... a change would be if he asked me if I wanted some dinner.
