You have been doing the right thing by giving her the space she needs to figure things out. I like the fact that you are not discussing the relationship/marriage w/her and allowing her to bring it up. As you can see, the less pressure you put on her, the more she settles down and communicates better with you.
She's feeling some guilt and possibly shame for what she's doing, but I suspect that something transpired on her trip that sent her into a tailspin. Maybe she works with the OM or met him while away and he stroked her ego just enough to have her question herself and her life. Whatever transpired, she's searching for that illusive happiness that she thinks that is out there...but it's not...happiness comes from within.
Continue giving her the space. Try to keep your conversations casual and on topics such as your children. For now, treat her as you would a friend. Keep the focus on you and your children and one last thing...dig deeper for patience. This is now a marathon, not a sprint.
Thanks job,
Yeah I've pretty much had to give her the space and she has certainly settled down a lot. W does seem to be back to her usual self lately and we can talk without it feeling awkward. Conversation is usually about kids, her work and surface level stuff like TV shows etc. I'm always upbeat and positive and take an interest in what she wants to discuss, but don't overdo it.
W went away with her boss who is a divorced lady who has always been manipulative with W and treated her badly over the years... but now they're best buddies! There was mention of someone flirting with W on trip and she says that's all it was. Maybe this triggered the grass is greener mindset. FWIW W also became really close to a friend of hers who had just ended her R with her fiance and they have two kids also.
I'm 99% sure she met OM on a night out during our false reconciliation. She was going out partying a lot at the time. The morning of the night in question W was very warm and physical with me, saying she'd let me know when she'd be back and possibly have a drink together and we made plans to take kids out together the next day. She didn't message or anything which she'd never done before, just turned up late and her anger was back in full force. The following day she made sure me and the kids were out of the house all day and was being really strange about me letting her know when we were heading home etc. I'm pretty sure she had OM over that day and that's were it started. W is an awful liar and I can see straight through her.
Yes, patience and detachment! whatever the outcome it's going to be a long journey.
