I feel like there are (still) so so many similarities in our sitches. Doesn't sound like the EAP is much of an issue given what you know. But it still could be that his fantasy of another R maybe originally stoked by her but no longer fulfilled by her is hanging out there, and of course real life will simply never measure up to the fantasy.
As you know my H also felt so strongly about me endorsing him going which I simply could not do, plus telling/hurting the kids of course was also a huge obstacle he couldn't see his way around. And I've also broken all the rules and not only gone to him at 2 am but slept with him... and I'm still glad I did too. So I'm happy you're glad and were able to have that connection with him. I think it is important. For me, at certain points I've felt it was important that he know how I feel even if it wasn't DBing, because I needed to feel like I was being authentic and didn't want to have any regrets.
Can you keep this up? How many days before he goes again?
xx
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
