Learning how to stand, hope, & keep moving

[Gerda]

Cardinal, I have stopped into your thread now and again but don't know your story that well so I may be wrong to chime in. I really appreciated your hug the other day and wanted to chime in before I take my break for Lent.

If you ever have an hour to kill and want to go deep into a pit, read through my threads that started in 2014. It might help you to see what can happen when things don't get better, and you could compare it with Gordie's threads, of what happens when they do.

I just want to encourage you to realize that his moving out will not change anything about his MLC. In other words, pushing him to move out will not, I believe, "encourage" him to leave you. He left you already, in his heart. Getting him out is to give you some protection, some headspace, room to breathe, room to not notice what he is doing or wonder who he is with. If you can get him to leave, I highly encourage it. I don't think you have kids; I think that's the only reason to keep them home, if it provides a way for them to see H. That's why I was glad he stayed, I thought it was better for my kids to have their dad and I knew I could keep them safe if he wasn't taking them physically out of our home. But it wasn't good for them. He slept on the couch and we couldn't even have friends and family over all those years. Living with a depressed rageful man who is having an affair is not better for kids. In my case,his staying in-home spiraled horribly and my son ended up becoming suicidal and didn't start to come out of that depression until I finally got H to move out.

But what I discovered after he left is that I began to be me again.

He will be in MLC whether he lives with you or not. Kicking him out won't teach him anything. Letting him stay won't teach him anything. Living on your own is for you, to get your health back and your peace. Your H can come back to you, the real H to the real you, only when he is out of this tunnel, and where he lives while he is in the tunnel makes no difference to him. But it may make all the difference in the world for you. So that is my two cents with a big XO.