Well last night was fun for me. Just as a reminder before I rant. I had no intention on bringing in the entire Midwest on this situation but due to my WH's lack of propriety and weird need to date his OW openly and be super obvious about it on social media here we are. He some where along the way here went very Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy with declaring our marriage over. He seems to think because he feels it and said it to me, that it some how makes it true. I don't know.
Yesterday I was kindly informed by a friend that I am not angry enough at my H's out right disrespect therefore I mustn't respect myself (sigh). That I need to learn when a person is toxic and to let go (ok that had a little merit to it). Holding on because I'm scared of being alone isn't a good enough reason to hold on to a cheating husband. (that's never been a reason this entire time, but ok) That I deserve better than him and this and someone needs to tell me (because you know no one, not one person has said that at all this entire time, eye roll, my WH has even said this btw). That it's really sad that I'm accepting of the fact that the whole 2 friends of his that will still speak to me and "my" friends are taking a very Switzerland stance to the whole ordeal. (umm ok) That she is a better person and friend than they are. And that she's really sorry that H doesn't have any friends with as strong of a moral back bone as her to tell him what he is doing wrong (she at this point essentially alluded to an intervention of sorts). Mind you we were out for an early dinner. Like the whole place could hear this because she was so upset. I wanted to crawl in a hole.
The whole interaction was very strange. It went from how I was doing. And how concerned her H is about me. To her H running into one of two above said friends and how they wouldn't talk about my sitch with him. And when I kinda shrugged that off I was berated with the above. She was one of the 3 people I've been confiding in purposely since the very early days of this, and had been nothing but supportive of me up until last night.
I tried to let her know that the Switzerland stance is just not that big a deal. I don't want people picking sides. No one knows what's going to happen here in 3, 6, 9, 12 months down the road. Our metro area is mid-sized but most people end up bumping into each other at some point. That we all have to live with H and OW living their lives at some point here. Or in the off chance H sees the light in the next year or so what happens if H and I, R? Do we really need the hurdles of people playing team wf vs team wf's wayward husband? I then explained detachment. And how I can't just be mad or weeping 24/7. That H isn't getting a free pass. I'm just not invested in making his life a living h3ll. Nor am I interested in fighting constantly about the ways in which I'm being mistreated. I talked about the things that I am actually afraid of and that none of which are being alone. I'm actually kinda looking forward to that. And that fear isn't keeping me here. Love is. Unfortunately that's what has me tethered. I got a rather large actual real life eye roll and sigh. And then was told she'll 'stay in her lane' from now on but that I really need to know that I can do better than my H and frankly all the crappy people I apparently have in my life.
I knew I'd eventually have to defend my standing. I know how terrible this situation looks to outsiders. I understand I look like doormat or an idiot to people just trying to be zen about my dumpster fire of a life right now. I even knew that my sanity would be questioned when I'd tell people I'm ok with him going, but I do still love him very much. What I didn't anticipate was the fact that I'd have to defend my non-stance on whole other adults having a non-stance on MY mess. I didn't think I have to explain to another adult that what they think I'm thinking and feeling isn't what I'm thinking and feeling. I didn't anticipate people making my tragedy about them I guess.
On a positive note I did do my best run to date late last night, although I am a little curious as to why she had me more fired up than when WH leaves to go see OW....
