Separated and facing divorce (Part 3)

[Ready2Change]

My2Cents:

.... I told the WAS that I would take my son to gymnastics practice

Telling and asking are two different things. Everything boils down to agreements and exceptions. One of the agreements is parenting time. Who's parenting time was it? Your hers? Words have many meanings and different meanings to different people. Informing or offering are more specific ways of "telling." One of my goals is when communicating with X or my children or people in general is to reduce confusion and gain clarification.

* WAS **never** told the kids they were spending tonight with me, nor this weekend.

I communicate the parenting schedule with my children. If there is confusion, I clarify things with their mother and then confirm our agreement with the kids.

That really pissed me off.

Channel that anger into positive changes in you. Control your behavior. Ask yourself what is my learning experience here? What can I do from this point forward to help prevent this from happening in the future.

She claims she did last weekend,

Maybe / maybe note. Not your issue. Take ownership of communication with your kids. Make sure you and the mother are on the same page as far as parenting time and exchange times and places....in most cases, one or both parents are not going to like the arrangements...this is why the courts are involved. Some parenting arrangements are court ordered.

kids both said she didn't.

We all have selective attention spans. I always clarify with my kids when the next time I will see them. "I will see you this friday at 5pm. Enjoy your time at moms. love you!"

* D15 ended up with 2 ear infections and a sinus infection today. The WAS actually woke her up and told her to come to my house.

Being sick, is a perfect exceptions for the children to stay at the other parents house.

I tried offering her tea, or a movie, or to go out and get her anything, but she wasn't having it.

We can only do so much. At some point, I just wait for them to ask.

She hates being in this house.

I bet there is deeper reasons for the anger. Professional can help.

She told BLA BLA BLA she was ending her marriage before she told me. I don't even have the words to describe how that made me feel.

Pretty typical. They tell everyone but the one person that can actually change. I got the "I have been planning on divorcing you for years"....

had some tears

Him or you?

I'm trying not to be frustrated with my kids. I feel like they just don't want me in their lives. I

I think the 4 of us need to sit down and talk about how we are handling custody.

Discuss with W only. I do this through email. If you can't come up with an agreement, then the legal system will "help" you reach an agreement.


I had a highly contested custody battle with my X. She wanted full custody. She hired lawyer, I hired lawyer. They took all savings. We settled for 50/50. My kids were younger than yours at the time. They are 17+ now.

This is what my lawyer told me "It is your to loose". I took this to mean, "Do not give the opposition any reason to take your kids away."