As a parent with a 15 and 17 yo in my house a lot of things said above stress me out. One because 12 and 15 yos aren't babies. They just aren't. Sorry. Next y'all can parent as you please but courts are involved in these situations and whether you like it or not incidents like this needs to be handled with kid-gloves before it comes back to bite you in front of a judge.
In my state 12 years old is the age at which kids get a voice in visitation and placement outside of a GAL. They can make demands like mutually desired visitation or their primary placement. This is a legal consideration you really need to factor in moving forward, and you may want to look into that with your attorney.
FAMILY THERAPY minus the wife. She doesn't need to be there. It's not about her. You want the sessions to focus on why they don't want to be with you in your house. If W comes up in the process then maybe bring her in, but this mess is between you and your kids, and unless she's actively sitting there telling them you're trash and they'll be miserable by you, you need to fix this with them.
D15 is sick, most of her angst probably isn't about you. And probably is also about her mom basically kicking her out of the house when she feels awful. Keep asking her if she needs things. Love on her. Make the tea they way she likes it and give it to her. Don't ask. Get her some tissue with the vicks in it. She won't say no.
S12 guilt tripping him like that was not smart. There are better ways that could've been said. "Kiddo this is dad's weekend. We haven't seen much of each other lately and I'd really like it if you'd just give me a chance this weekend." You're the adult. I know it's super hard with tweens and teens to remember that sometimes but your kids are not your safe place to fall. You are. Your kids are not your peers, you are supposed to carry the emotional burden here and smile through the pain. It's what you signed up for. I don't think it was wrong of you to let him to go by mom's if that's really what he wanted but that part is the part you need to sit down with your wife and discuss. You guys need to be united for them if nothing else. You need to decided together if this visitation thing is going to be fluid or if you both are going to stand by mom's time is mom's time and dad's time is dad time, especially when it isn't as simple as crossing the street any more.
I'll leave you with what I recently had to tell my WH now that he's engaging with the kids again and brought up that he trying but won't "force it" and he's trying to make amends to them "in his own way." ~There's no line between making an effort and forcing it with your own kids. This isn't a friendship with adults. It's not a romantic relationship. It's your job to repair the relationship. Not theirs. Even if you have to shove your love down their throats until they are in a place to forgive and move on. Your feelings of rejection don't matter. Sorry. Next making things up to them isn't about doing it in your way. It's about doing it in theirs. That's what truly making amends requires. Giving them what they need to forgive and move on. Not what you need. Suck it up. ~
Clearly you didn't abandon your kids for 3 months to go bang some one who isn't your wife like my WH so you can take some of the anger out of that statement, but there were mistakes made here, and you have to own them and be the one to carry the burden of healing.
