Just remember. He has a lot of culpability in this two. He is once divorced, has BD'd you twice. He has some things he needs to work on and deal with. My guess is he suffers from some level of NGS ("I am a nice guy, I deserve sex, affection, money, etc.") HE also seems to be an avoider. This is all reasons he needs IC. And you need to make that a requirement to R. Are you strong enough to give him requirements IF he decides to stay?
He warned me he wasn't getting what he needed. I scheduled a date night... he fell asleep. I had cleared two mornings to give him 100% of my attention and just turned out those same two mornings he planned to stop by his parents house.
I could say a hundred I'm sorries... I could act as if to till the end of time.
He is done with me, this commute, this marriage. He is thinking logically. That how many times do you burn your hand before you stop putting it in the flame.
I know his words have been all over the place. Everytime I leave him be and give him peace he comes back and ramps things up - 1st just S, then its just D.
When he first BD he stated that the marriage could not be mended if he continued to live with me (ie the commute and living where he hates), then he said when he first brought up 2yr S he stated if he changed his mind and wanted things with me again I would be coming to him (in his new place near work).
The later might seem a bit of an AHole thing to do but frankly I had agreed to move one S18 was out of school. And I have already told him I owe him the move. He sacrificed for years and now it was my turn.
Like I said... the further out we get there is more movement away than toward. He stated he took S off the table because he didn't want me to think he was dangling it like a carrot over my head in regards to D.
I have been the avoider... he talks about the future and I listen... he talks about retirement and I listen... he made calls for a fishing trip during our up coming trip and I listened. I think he took my passivity to mean I wasn't interested. I'm just so busy in the here and now.. he was looking to dream and felt I wasn't joining in? I don't know.
I could list a thousand reasons I didn't do what my H needed to me to do.
He is no saint or angel but I have always felt nothing other than love and loyalty to him.
