It seems like he reacts, you leap into action. Have you ever heard the old saying "The person that loves the least, controls the relationship"? It feels like you love him so much that if he said "You have to jump off of this bridge or I am leaving" you'd jump. But heaven-forbid if you make a demand because he would leave in a heartbeat. That is not a fun place to be in a relationship. All it takes is one slip-up and you are in survival mode. Which sounds like exactly what has happened.
I wouldn't jump off a bridge.
It's just his reasons are vaild... he gave me another chance before and yet somehow I just blew it. Not intentionally. I made him feel bad .. and this is a man I am very much attracted to.
Yes you've made it abundantly clear that he has valid reasons, and that you are a terrible person. KC, what job and I have tried to get you to see is that none of that matters. At all. The past is the past. You can't fix it by becoming super wife. You can't nice him back. You can't do the things that keep a marriage happy to fix a broken marriage
Back before I met my W, I was completely in love with this girl that I knew almost my whole life. We will call her Keri to protect the innocent and the guilty. I "went with" Keri in 6th and 7th grade. Then we drifted apart. In high school we become friends, but I was in love with her the whole time. She considered me her best friend. After high school I still secretly pined for her while I watched losers come in and out of her life. Always wondering what she saw in them. I was in college, gainfully employed, bright prospects. She was dating losers that were in bands, had drug habits, etc. Into young adulthood I had finally told her how I felt. She started totally doing the pursuit distance dynamic with me. If I moved towards her she retreated, when I backed off she'd start contacting me. This continued with he giving me just enough hope to not give anyone else a chance, but never enough to actually be with me romantically. I finally had enough, and started to move on.
I then met my now wife. For the first few months it was very similar to the dynamic with Keri. She saw me as a good friend, I was completely enamored with her. Finally after a few months she "fell" for me. But after marriage many of the issues that were there in the first few months of us knowing each other were back. She just didn't seem that into me. And I didn't help matters with a decent case of NGS, and other bad behaviors.
You see, for some reason the number one thing I was attracted to was a girl that wasn't into me that way. If a girl, no matter how good looking and sweet was into me it was the kiss of death for her. There must have been 25-30 girls from the time I was gaga over Keri, until I married my wife that thought the sun rose and set for me. One in particular even came sniffing back around when I was dating my wife. Too be honest with you I should have been with her. Because now that I am older and wise I know a simple truth:
All those years I wanted to find someone I was crazy about, when in reality I should have been looking for someone that was crazy about me!
If I could go back I would do things so much more different because of that simple truth.
You deserve someone that is crazy about you. That you can be yourself with and around and not have to walk on eggshells, wondering what the next thing you do or say will be that makes him BD you. If your H becomes that man, great. If not, what we are telling you is that you deserve better. You deserve more. Whether you think you do or not.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
