Standing vs standing still

[may22]

I read through Blu's initial post from her first thread, and it talks about her H admitting how guilty and ashamed he felt but he couldn't tell her at the time and I know this is my H. He has to face it, but he won't. He will keep pretending everything is rosy. So I have to pretend everything is rosy.

The ignoring the mediation and any message R, Sep'n or D related, well that's him burying his head in the sand and pretending it's not happening. He doesn't want this. He just can't face what his done or the consequences of what he has done. He is also dragging his heels on any conversation which involved preparing the house for sale under the guise of trying to get stuff that needs doing cheaper. It is annoying as hell because I am on a 'right, let's get this done' state of mind.

Wow, this is so difficult for me to read. I think my H would be behaving exactly the same way. I really appreciate your posts on my thread because I do see so many similarities in our Hs. The part about dragging his heels on the house under the guise that it is too expensive? Resonated with me sooooo much... my H would do EXACTLY the same thing. I do think him ignoring the messages about the mediation stuff is really quite telling.

Here's my question to you... (not DB) I still am wondering in your sitch if it hurts to just be honest with him about what you feel. I might be willing to bet that part of his justification for continuing down his path is that you seem fine, you're also acting as if things are rosy, you're the one now pushing the house sale, etc. And now maybe you have two people who are going through the motions and slowly walking towards something neither of them really want. I don't know what the answer is or if it would be a good idea to be open with him about where you are, and how his various responses might affect you. I just wanted to ask the question. What if you didn't answer the mediator's question about what your goal is in all of this so that she had to ask it when you're both together? And you could pipe up and say this isn't what I want? I really wish we could work this out? And then just leave the ball in his court?

There is so much sh!t in my house. I'm sure there are at least two drawers of cables where we don't know what they go with !!!!. He is going to be so p!ssed when he gets back.

This part makes me chuckle an evil laugh. He will so deserve that. Do you think he'll get visibly angry? Or just get mad inside but know he doesn't really have the right to complain?