. You sound like such a nice, accommodating, and receptive person. I'm sure you would have been willing to work with your husband to find solutions if he came to you and said he's unhappy.
Its nice for you to say that but my H would say I don't listen and that he has felt bullied by me at times. He just gives in and goes with the flow because its easier??? I have been controlling and he felt like a prisoner. i think he got a taste of what it would be like to be free and socialize more easily. Reconnecting with old friends is fun and is a good time but it doesn't last forever.
Up until BD I could account for my H at all times - not to the minute but we communicated and he honestly didn't have the time with his schedule.
Maybe now??? Maybe these high school friends he is reconnecting with may also be going or having gone through D and he is getting close with someone.
I know he has had heart to heart conversations with 2 male friends but I suppose a female friend is one to be lending a more caring ear.
Quote
If you recall my situation my husband left twice. Both times he blamed me for being a bad wife, said he doesn't love me, he's not happy, etc.. There was no effort from his side to make it work. He has always denied cheating and always will, but both times I found out on my own that it was all due to another woman. He simply met another woman and wanted to be with her. I guess it's not acceptable to admit that he's a cheater so he had to blame me for everything. He said so many things like he needs his freedom, felt trapped by marriage, wants to live his own life, etc.. but within weeks (or less) of leaving me he was already living with another woman and committed to someone else.
So why he does point to my pulling away and leaving him going to bed angry he has admitted to some of his issues as well --- online gaming, etc. So he points out where he could have been better too.
I just feel tremendous pain and responsibility because what he is complaining about is real.
It doen't help that the sex had dwindled. Its hard when you work opposite shifts... his drive is on in the morning after getting off work and mine is in the evening. It had dried up in the last 3 months. He did even say he wasn't getting his needs met so I would plan a date night - something fun where we could end up in the sack and then he fell asleep on the way home... :-(
Quote
Are there ways you can check to see what your husband is really up to? Not that you need to know, but if he's lying to you it'd be nice to know the truth.
There is not. But if he truly wants gone and out of this relationship he knows a PA is the way to go. I won't come back from that. If he wants a D and just to move on with his life he knows this is my deal breaker. He has said he is not ... but he has also said when he moves out and things are filed there will be plenty of lady friends at his home. He will not live the life of a hermit.
I agreed 2yr ago that I would move when S18 was out of school... I think he felt I would never leave and that along with this, that and the other he broke...
I'd give anything to go back and not send that text that seemed to upset him -- it was a joke but it did not come across that way to him... SERIOUSLY I was planning on giving him my undivided attention all morning when he got off work. As he was leaving the night before he said he was stopping at his moms to visit with the nephews they had school fund raisers and he was going to get a haircut. I texted him "this is the second morning I've had free and you are spending with you mother again"... he took that to believe I wasn't at his mom's house. He texted back and I fell asleep... the next text was him telling me how p!ssed off he was by that text... GAME OVER
Last edited by job; 02/20/2011:52 PM. Reason: edited language
