#17 - Being the best H and father I can be!

[SteveLW]

S,

I obviously don’t know because I didn’t reconcile but I am guessing that it’s common. I would imagine there is pressure to be on all the time and that you can’t let your guard down for a second or It will happen again. You know how feelings are they come and go so I’m sure this will pass.

Just keep moving forward.

Thanks LH, always good to hear it even if I already know it. In the past I would let these kinds of feelings start activating my NGS. Luckily now I keep them in check. Mainly because I am in a healthier place. I still GAL. I still look to self-improve. And I still believe in self-differentiation.....she is not the master of my happiness, nor am I hers!

One example I thought of last night. Her and D have been sick and my D has been wanting them both to sleep in the livingroom. Last night I was exhausted (work has been really hectic lately) and I also got my lifting in, so by 10 I was wiped. I went in and got in bed. She came by later and asked "Are you in bed for the night?" I said "Yeah I am" with no anger or frustration in my voice. The old Steve would have snapped at her like: "I am laying here in the dark, in the bed, no I am just resting my eyes!" Though I wouldn't have said all that, the attitude would have been clear in my curt "Yes!". So much better today than 2 years ago.

I keep going back to when I started to get really get good at DBing and started getting excited about the prospect of a new life, and the worlds and opportunities that would have opened up to me.

I believe there are certain limits that are good for a marriage. One the other hand, I believe you can create excitement and new experiences with your wife. Lead her to the excitement you want.

Yes, I do need to start looking into that. Date night will become a regular occurrence again now that the old house is sold. I got her a couple of "spicy" things for V-day too. Haven't had a go with them yet since she's been sick, but this is a great suggestion that I need to double-down on.

Yeah, i posted on this a while back. Something to the effect of "it sucked but in some ways i never felt more alive." I also still get little twinges of "hmmmm, what if" WRT other women who give me attention, but that's all it is. I think it's natural. Just as it's natural to still have twinges of resentment and anger. It's a process.

Dont get me wrong i wouldn't trade my current R with my W for anything... a whole, intact, loving family has been, just, well, better than it ever was before. It's even rubbed off on our boys. Our relationship with them and theirs with each other has even gotten better in the wake of our reconcilliation. I think the true challenge is to keep things fresh... not just with your W and your MR, but with yourself in all aspects of your life. Dont get stagnant, but constantly stretch to do things outside of your comfort zone...Take joy in your new discoveries.. and above all remember how strongly you leaned on your faith and your God during your darkest times. Don't stop leaning on him just because things seem better now.

Hope this helps

Thanks hoos! Glad to know it isn't just me. I think there is a part of most guys that feel like being single again would be a blast. Now that financially we are in a very good place again, I feel like that yearning is just bursting at the seams. But I do love your idea to turn back to faith and God. Always such a great thing and a good reminder to hear. Thank you for that.