1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[may22]

I know this isn't DBing but I have said at one point or another to my H what is the rush? Chill out, slow down, take a breather. The decision to move out is a big one and telling the kids is (in my mind) this enormous watershed moment that will cause all these inevitable things to start to happen. I know that I'm probably over-dramatic on this, but that is how I feel and one of the reasons I've been willing to put up with so much prior to that happening.

Here are a few thoughts for you to leave or take. Could he take a weekend alone somewhere just himself to take a break from all of the drama and sit with his own mind? If he does decide to take the apartment, does it have to be "I'm leaving because I no longer want to bang your mom forever" or could it be "I'm having a rough time, I know you guys have seen that, I need to take some time and space to figure things out" without needing to announce quite yet that this is it, kids, we're splitting up!!"?

I do think your detachment and resisting any pursuit behaviors are probably really working. I would guess if you broke down crying and begging for him to stay when he says he looked at the apartment he would just go. You are forcing him to make his own decision rather than letting him blame whatever decision gets made on you, and that is hard for him (but I would argue very important). So keep it up and if you do any of the suggestions above like suggesting he slow his roll, I would just be sure that they're framed in a non-pursuit way, like the next time he starts an R talk with you, you listen, validate, and then say hey. there isn't a rush here. why don't you (whatever) so you can get some space to figure this out for yourself.

Finally, I was wondering again about what your instinct is on what is going on with the EAP, or if it really matters to you at the moment. I don't think it would necessarily change what you do, but I think it probably isn't a bad idea to get OK with the fact that she might still be in the picture so you aren't blindsided if in fact it turns out to be the case.

((HUGS))