Your man/child is all over the map w/his emotions. He reminds me so much of my xh when looking for a place to move to. I'm sure that if he really tried hard enough, he could find a place to live. There are plenty of rooms to let, as well as apartments around the location of his work. He could be out there looking when he has free time.
As for the him telling you about all of the "house hunting", he's crying the pity party to the moon. He's hoping that you will fee sorry for him and yes, he's hoping you'll tell him to stay in the home. He's still itching for a justification to leave and if you had suggested that he remain in the home, he most likely would have come out w/something negative.
Actions speak louder than words and quite frankly, right now, his actions don't match up w/his words. If he truly wanted out, he would have been gone by now and either stayed w/his parents full time or w/some of his friends/co-workers.
Sounds like depression is playing w/his head if he can't sleep and the way he's bouncing around, guilt and shame are giving him a run for his money.
The more you act "as if", the better. Right now, his emotional rollercoaster ride is affecting you and your health. I know you want him to stay there, but there comes a time when you need to trust in the man upstairs and just let him go for a bit. He really does need to be on his own to figure himself out. For one thing, where is he going to get the money to rent another place? Will he still provide funds for your living in the home? Things aren't what they use to be 10, 20, etc., years ago. Prices are high for places to rent these days.
Now, one last thing and I agree w/the others...get your own lawyer. Do not allow him to talk you into sharing lawyers. It's not a good practice to do this. Work w/the one that your mother has helped you pay for. Listen to him/her and make a list of questions when you meet w/him/her. Do not share any of this info w/your h.
BTW, please stop making excuses for his behavior. A large majority of what you have posted is about him and yes, history does repeat itself if things are not corrected and your h had issues in the first marriage and now...well, they have started to raise their ugly heads in your marriage. Only accept your half of the demise of your relationship...not the whole pie.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
