Still talking to XGF but just as friends. She's having trouble with her D and who validates better than me? Haha! It's interesting because her D is doing the EXACT same damaging behavior that XGF did at that age, yet XGF seems oblivious to the -obvious- connection. Reminds me of that old PSA commercial where the dad catches his son with drugs and says "where did you learn this???" And the kid says "from YOU dad!" Anyway she did eventually apologize for her behavior after my father's death, but it was a very generic "I guess I did something wrong, don't know what is was but sorry" kind of thing. Not exactly from the heart.
I've been messaging with a lady I dated years ago (after D, before dating XGF), we've said "hello" on and off ever since but once she found out I was single again the contact ramped way up. She is quite different than XGF. She's very chill, sweet, calm and comforting. Really open about things going on in her life, doesn't hide anything or bottle it up. Also quite attractive. Dark hair, dark eyes, part Native American. Same age as XGF. Of course I'm not naive, she's on her best behavior right now so time will tell if she has a dark side, LOL! We're talking about getting together soon for lunch or dinner, just to catch up in person.
Still working through the mess that dad left behind. I can't remember if I mentioned this previously but inexplicably he just quit opening mail about 6 months ago. I've been going through a mountain of mail that contains junk, unpaid bills, collection agency notices, notice of foreclosure on his house, etc. Amazing. Turns out he owes 266k on a reverse mortgage on his house and it's barely worth that. I'm trying to convince my brother and sister that we need to just sign it over to the mortgage company and walk away. My sister feels an emotional attachment to the house though. I don't, because there was a lot of physical and mental abuse that took place there at the hands of my dad. My sister did not experience that (she's 10+ years younger than my brother and me). So she wants to list it and see it go to a good family. I've been trying to tell her that selling it will open the door to any number of debtors to come out of the woodwork looking for restitution. We're all meeting there next weekend to sort out what to do.
Originally Posted by job
I am very sorry that your father passed away. My condolences to you and your family. It's going to take a while to settle up his estate, but once it is done, the weight of the world will be off your shoulders, i.e., expenses, etc.
Thank you Job! Yes I will be glad when we are done sorting everything out. It's an annoyance to me but it's just killing my sister (she lives there in Houston, so she's having to deal with most of it).
Originally Posted by MLCxH
Sorry for your loss, AS. Take the time to mourn your dad's passing. Don't let the actions of your ex GF disturb you. As they say in this forum, her actions should be like water off a duck's back. Remember that time and distance will help you heal. Take care of yourself!
Thank you! Yes quite right, it really hurt but it's absolutely a reflection on her and not me. Shame on her for being like that, it's pretty despicable. But at least it showed me her true colors.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Not only am I familiar with this analogy, I use it ALL the time. It is the one analogy I use to explain why I was conned by my XH for so long in our marriage. It was so gradual, I just didn't see the forest for the trees...another analogy...lol
Anyway...I wish you much peace and love AS. (((HUGS)))
Yes! People are like "Why would you put yourself through that for so long?" but they don't understand the WHOLE picture, it didn't start out that way! Early on things were really good, even fantastic, right? They don't see that part, just all the toxicity. And I think we stick it out thinking "this is just a rough patch, we'll eventually get back to 'normal'". It takes a long time for us to realize that all the toxicity IS the norm. And thank you, I appreciate it!
Originally Posted by Gekko
Very sorry to hear about your Dad AS. Hang in there man.
As for the now XGF, good for you for not tolerating bad behavior. Everyone has a bad day every now and then, but it sounds like something more than that with her. Every R is a learning experience.
Thank you! We had a great R for a long time, really great in fact. It's a bummer it didn't stay that way, but as you and I and pretty much everyone here knows all too well- relationships change over time!
