To double down on what AS said. You really should flip this script and decide you DON'T want him back right now. More than let him go, jettison him. Become overly helpful and supportive in his house search etc. As I said, right now he is broken, and that is not your fault, nor is it your responsibility to fix.
Further, on the "see how things play out later", make sure you have a good picture for what that looks like. In other words, make him earn his way back. If you don't give him conditions for return (IC, MC, etc) then if he does come back easily you are likely setting yourself up for another future BD.
I am listening.
How does one decide I don't want him back.... when one does?
I have done my very best job in listening to him with the house stuff or that he downed 3 jumbo margaritas the other day... I assume when he was out with friends. I validate. I answer questions with just a simple ok and behave as detached as possible in his presence.
I'm working on getting my self worth back on track... I'm starting meds to get my crap under control. I'm exercising. I'm reaching out to friends I haven't had contact with with awhile... mostly because they were men and I was being respe6to my H. He doesn't like one of them for a decent reason.
I can act as if with H. He already knows that I dont want this so there is no need for me to say it again. I'm trying very hard to not be around when he is... I will just leave house and sit in a parking lot to have my own space if I have too.
We discussed why he is still coming home despite hating the drive. He said he could spend a night here or there at his parents... friends couches were only available on weekends. I said he should stop doing the drive as it was killing him. I would rather have him in the home... but it wasnt about my needs but his.
I'm trying but ultimately how much can I lie to myself... saying I dont want him when I do.
