It sounds like S14 is finding his way. The relationship between Dad and son is unfolding or devolving or growing up - point of view - ensure you remain out of it. Your job is not to facilitate the relationship, your job is to not destroy it.
What D10 reported from H about what son said. Whew, third hand. Anyhow, “Papa, there’s no love anymore.” Son is finding indifference and being detached. Good thing by the way, you don’t want son being dragged around by this. Compassionate indifference is what you want son to find. I believe you are living that, so he will pick up on things, and there will be opportunities to further that view, discussions, birthdays, gifts, Father’s Day, etc.. The lofty goal behind all that, kids forgiving their Dad.
D10 is younger and still responding to Dad so she is getting more of his attention. She is not where son is. She cannot risk loosing her Dad. She will lash out at you at times because she just can’t speak back to her father - yet.
Did you, or do you, see that in son? Has his attitude changed a little? With him speaking up for himself to Dad, he may just not misbehave as much with you.
You are the safe parent. Kids need to vent and express bottled up emotions, and they cannot do that to the parent that deserves it, so the sane one usually gets double. Another good thing by the way.
Eventually, it smooths out. Kids grow passed this and realize and accept it, leaving their emotionally stunted parent behind to continue the struggle to grow up themselves. It’s a whole lot better if kids (and us) do that compassionately.
Do not tell H about anything D10 has confided in you. She begged you. She needs somewhere safe to tell her feelings. It’s wonderful that is you.
You are doing very well gently steering her on who and what she can control. Vaping for example, yes leave the room. She will extrapolate that idea and premise to other aspects. Another good lesson to learn at such a young age.
Gerda, I see things have changed for you - well within you. We change our views and the world changes with us.
Your advice is good and solid, with much wisdom and experience.
Have a great day.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
