More journaling from my bed at the station, current time 3:25am
For some reason - I’m starting to have these mini panic attacks.tjat she’s leaving.
My abandonment issues from my childhood have been triggered.
On on side: She’s leaving. She’s no longer going to be across the street to wave chat when im walking the dog. My kids are going to be further away from me. I can’t believe this is how it will end. I have some guilt that I dated people, but, wow, does it get lonely being by yourself in a big house in familyville.
On the other: I no longer feel watched by this constant negative pressure across the street. I need to make the house I live in my own and a comfortable place for my kids. I will actually get to be with my kids even more, if this custody agreement works. I want to tell her to wake up, but that would be unhealthy and controlling. I need to let her go, GAL and let her feel the loss. I need to truly enjoy my kids like never before.
