Blu - I've just read back through your first post. Everything you said about their guilt and shame seemed true to me - and indeed is something I have been pondering for some time. Thank you for sharing. It is a truth I don't think my husband will ever want to share with me, but reading your words helped me to reframe some of the more negative thoughts that are rearing their ugly heads.
Also, thank you for continuing to post here and to help others. I am always astonished by posters, like yourself, who continue to give their time to this community long after their sitchs have resolved (though reading some of the piecing threads, are they ever really resolved).
I read somewhere about a couple who took turns coming up with ideas for date night. They had to go through the alphabet - each coming up with a date idea starting with whatever letter they were on. It included "Art class", "Wine Tasting", "Bubbly and Chocolates", "Chocolate making", "Pottery". It takes the pressure of having to talk, and gave a focus to the dates. You spend time together and build some shared memories.
