Left work a hot mess and went to Dr and I'm now on medication lets see if this helps.
After leaving H to deal with timeshare alone I went to meet with my mom. It was loud where we were and H called. I told him I couldn't hear him I would call later... that didn't work... he was like where are you? I didn't answer. Where are you? I just avoided the question. I told him I was cold standing outside trying to hear him.
I wouldn't answer his questions but I did let him know I have not been sleeping, with a great deal of hurt and a lot happening at work. Its temporary.
He went on to say that he was upset getting woken up by atty call and not able to go back to sleep and that he has a busy day tomorrow and was supposed to look at houses but 2 cancelled and he is not sure he likes his realtor. I just validated and said that must be very frustrating for you. But, I cut the call short and said I needed to go.
Had time with my mom.
Came home expecting H to be in bed but he is still up. He wants to talk. Great. He goes on to admit that the atty is tech his and if I have questions to write them down, etc. He will ask. I have told him I not sure its a good idea but he stated the atty is only to file and we will be doing grunt work. I'm really not wanting to get into it. He talks about plans for X, Y, Z... I'm on burnout.
He states he is sorry for the hurt he has caused me. He means it.
He said that I've shown him more respect in the last 2 weeks than in a long time. And, that ladies and gentlemen is proof from the worst DB'er on the boards in the last month that a 180 change no matter how small is noticed by your spouse.
Of course... it was followed up by I DON'T LOVE YOU.
He wants this over and done quickly. He just wants to move on.
I left him to go to bed. Started hanging with the dogs. We aren't doing anything unusal but he comes out of the room in a huff stating this is why he can't sleep when I am home we are all making too much noise. I said I'm sorry its been so difficult to sleep today but the puppy isn't getting enough exercise. I will pack up the dogs and go.
He said no and went back to bed. I quieted everyone down and settled down to read and he is back up and in the room I am in. He says he is just really frustrated that a house he was supposed to look at tomorrow cancelled due to flu. I reply that's unfortunate but it can be rescheduled as its not like it sold. He then complained about a lack of inventory in what he was looking for - I simply replied that the market will pick up in the spring. He goes back to bed again.
5min later he is back up and pacing. I probably shouldn't have done this but as I sat in another room I asked if he simply wanted to go have dinner and give himself something to do. He said no and I didn't bat an eye... I really didn't care. A few min later he asked if I was hungry. I said for something light/easy like chips and salsa. He asked if I were up to go get it as he wasn't up for getting out of his jams yet. I said fine and got dinner.
As we are eating he keeps going over the numbers. I stay up beat and let him lead but after awhile I said we are doing all this speculation. Let's wait for the bonus so we have an actual number to attach to things and in the meantime lets put these numbers to bed at least for few hours. I picked up everything that had been sitting at the spot on the table and moved it to the corner of the room.
He did dishes again for the day. I went to another room. He continued to flit about. I asked he if would be home for another 30min. He said he would but why. I said I'm going to work - his reply but you didn't work today. I said I was there a 1/2 day and there was an emergency that arrived as I left. I have been getting txt updates but I need to go. It will be a short trip.
When I got home he headed out and I did my own thing. He said I won't be back in the morning I've got houses to look at... Me: ok... feeling very whatever at the moment.
I came to the computer and found out I forgot to log out of facebook... he was reading my messages to a dear friend who has been my rock in this.. I feel violated. And a bit uneasy... This friend of mine allows me to vent in text messages to him because he knows what I am going through and he helps me see through the pain. My private thoughts and how I'm trying to make this less of a battleground. Nothing I can do about it now.
BELIEVE NOTHING HE SAYS AND ONLY 50% OF WHAT HE DOES
I'm going to settle into my jacuzzi tub for some me time.
