Back from vacation and feeling like a mess. Wow this situation is tougher when you’re not feeling well...on antibiotics and feeling some major self pity amidst the head / throat pain. Feel like I can’t get a break.
I’m allowing myself to panic because I told H, after his not so nice email last week, that I would have a L name to him by end of this week. Obviously that appt was cancelled and I’m stupidly lying her letting his “speculated” response drive me nuts and cause feelings of fear. I believe truth is the only policy here and H will have to react how he reacts. I may get a chance to use a validation phrase ...perhaps “I’m sorry you feel this way” What about “I’m sorry it appears like I’m moving slower than you’d like”? I wrote the second one because I feel like it’s ‘wrong’ ... I’m assuming/projecting that’s how he feels....I’m trying to learn how to keep emotion and “fixing the way H thinks” out of my responses. Am I correct in my analysis?
I feel like I’m letting him sit in the drivers seat still running towards a S or D that I still don’t feel he’s done the proper work for ...disclosure wise ...never mind mentally lol! I know this will all become clearer once I meet with this last L, show her D’s papers and ask some better questions this time. I just feel so uneducated and lost in this process.
I also know I’m trying to fast forward (get rid of the suspense) of how this is going to play out....will I be able to keep the house? Do I want to keep the house? How will the finances work out? How will I know what decisions to make for me? How do I control the fear of the unknown? I’m trying so hard to just let things be and take one day, one hour at a time.
Feeling physically weak is not helping my mental state. Thanks for reading.
