Well, I'm not divorced and don't have a co-parenting spouse, but I think there is another option you should consider:
4) have daughter see a therapist and discuss her concerns with the therapist, who can then speak to you and ex-W or just ex-W about it.
You are really in a no-win situation here. Your daughter's concerns do need to be addressed, and there are likely other issues that will arise making this something of a necessity as the kids enter the tween and teen years.
If you continue to have problems, involving the therapist may be a useful tool in advocating for some adjustments to the custody schedule.
