I do think some of my irritations with him have always been there, and perhaps I now feel more entitled to express them, and also I know he listens to me now. In the past, I feel he would brush things under the rug, and just do as I asked, and then I was the more "controlling" one in our M. He allowed for that....
Yes, I am the most guilty of wearing rosy-glasses. We stayed in that "honey moon phase" for far too many years. I almost had him on a pedestal. People would even complement us on how cute or in love we were and I put a lot of energy into our R. Perhaps I had this idea of who he was and how I wanted to see him. And he frequently reinforced those ideas by being so nice, warm and accommodating. Friends and family loved him and could always rely on him to help out or drive kids around, etc. He wouldn't disagree or put up resistance to things. A lot of posters use terms here quite loosely, including the Mr Nice Guy term, but in all the men I have met in my life, my H fits the description completely. Again, what I didn't see was that he was suffocating and building resentment. I think I also was critical and controlling and the bad guy in our R, but in hind sight.....
Honestly this made me tear up reading this. The difference is my H wasn't ever accommodating. But when I would ask him what's going on he'd always brush it under the rug, or pick fights about nothing and when I'd ask what it was really about he looked at me like I was nuts. We also were in that honeymoon phase for way too long. I had him on a pedestal. People said the same thing about us. And I dumped everything I had left in me after the emotional spending of my mental health issues, my grief over my mom, and running the world, into loving him and not one ounce was left for myself. I thought I was special and he deserved all I had left because of what he said to me and what felt like deep felt actions. But now looking back at it my H until this whole mess just slowly left more and more and more responsibility up to me until I started to crack and under the weight of grief and depression and running the house, our family, and our relationship. I got incredibly critical, and exasperated, and started to get more controlling because I had no other choice and was drowning. What I hadn't realized until all this happened was he was drowning too. He was depressed too.
