I think I feel better when I limit my time here. I'm going to do my best to back off until I have an actual question or need help handling H should he decide to flip out. For now my L is doing her thing and H isn't bothering me.
There are 2 things that are about to hit though. One I filed for D under grounds of adultery. He will also owe me more money and his control will end.
Two I filed my taxes married filing separate because it is in my best interest to do so. This is going to cost him a lot of money because he has not paid taxes on the dividends (I normally do this for him) and it's a higher tax bracket. Oh and there are those legal bills he isn't prepared for plus CPA fees since I won't be doing his taxes this year.
For now he is going about his life unaware that he is no longer in control of this situation.
To be clear I do NOT want a D. I hate this. He was my best friend, the love of my life, the person I thought I'd grow old with. We had plans. He was going to retire this month and he'd work less hours, we'd have more time together, etc. We were going to build a house once D14 graduated high school, travel, all of it. Now I'll be working until I'm 75 and living in the ghetto.
The decisions above that I've made were for me and my kids. Can't get alimony without filing for D. Can't get a D without grounds. Doing taxes with him would be a major setback for me emotionally so if you factor in IC and meds what I paid is probably a wash.
Yeah I want him to suffer but I don't want to be the one to provoke him if that makes sense? He has no idea I deleted emails and texts but he will know about the rest of this. I do not like conflict and I still love him. Sad that it's come to this.
Now I'll be working until I'm 75 and living in the ghetto.
No, you won't. You WILL have to take control of your financial future. Your attorney can give you an idea of what you will likely get in a divorce. If a reasonable lump sum is an option, I'd consider taking it - if not, make sure you get a life insurance policy on him in case he dies and you stop getting alimony and child support.
Some good resources on thinking creatively about your finances: Your Money or Your Life - great book by Dominguez and Robin Mr Money Mustache - great frugality blog, go on the forums and make a case study when you're ready and people can help you slash your expenses.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking you can't live well as a single woman. You have skills and a job, you're better off than many, you WILL be able to make a bright future for yourself.
If you are thinking of taking out a life insurance policy on your h, I would recommend you do it before the divorce takes place and keep the paperwork in a safe place.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think I feel better when I limit my time here. I'm going to do my best to back off until I have an actual question or need help handling H should he decide to flip out.
Do what's best for you. I've taken several breaks from the forums over the years. When I come back I feel like I have better focus.
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Two I filed my taxes married filing separate because it is in my best interest to do so. This is going to cost him a lot of money because he has not paid taxes on the dividends (I normally do this for him) and it's a higher tax bracket. Oh and there are those legal bills he isn't prepared for plus CPA fees since I won't be doing his taxes this year.
It really does sound like he is coasting along with blinders on, utterly oblivious to the fallout of his actions. It sounds like he may get hit with D papers and the tax ramifications around the same time, that will probably be a huge wakeup call. Or kick in the groin! You just have to wonder what he's thinking, but the answer is probably that he isn't thinking AT ALL.
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To be clear I do NOT want a D. I hate this.
I cringe every time someone asks you why you're filing for D, because anyone who has followed your sitch from the beginning should be crystal clear on that. I have followed along and I absolutely agree with you that in your case it was the best course of action. Your H has put the screws to you at every turn and has no intention of supporting you to the extent of the law until forced to do so. You're scraping along financially barely able to pay your bills, you had to do it to get the support you need. Unfortunately your local court system has no sense of urgency, so this had dragged out far longer than it should have. Anyway whenever someone asks then you have to defend yourself all over again, and I know you get tired of it. You might do a synopsis in the first post of each new thread, then when someone makes a comment like that ask them to read it.
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He was my best friend, the love of my life, the person I thought I'd grow old with. We had plans. He was going to retire this month and he'd work less hours, we'd have more time together, etc. We were going to build a house once D14 graduated high school, travel, all of it. Now I'll be working until I'm 75 and living in the ghetto.
D has a major financial impact on most, if not all, of us. My XW and I had a great plan mapped out, we were on track to retire comfortably at 60. Now I'm 58 and retirement is not even on my radar. I will be working until I get forced out of it. We can be bitter or we can accept this is our life now and make the best of it. My brother chose the former, I chose the latter. I am way happier than he is!
Swore I wasn't going to post but I had to give this update. Yes it's a karma story and I'm probably going to a very bad place for posting it but here goes....
His truck broke down, had to be towed. Cost to repair $1,000
The next day gets the flu and wrecks his truck. He's fine but they totaled it. It was in good shape and paid for. He cannot afford another car.
He still doesn't know about the taxes or that I'm divorcing him.
He didn't even know which doctor to go to since the place we used to go closed. He asked D14 where I took her and she's like "I don't care". Her actual answer was "I don't know".
Oh and yes he has a trust fund but he won't touch it. I know I said he could cash it out to settle with me but that money has been in his family for years. I shudder to think what kind of karma would rain down if he cashed it out.
