You can't fix him. You can't control him...but you can fix yourself and only control you and how you react to his behavior. Go back and re-read all of the postings to you. You have been given a lot of sage advice. It's time now to breathe, sit down and re-read all of the info that people have been posting to you. The one thing that I will say is that you and your h may be playing the distancer/pursuer dance. One minute he's nice to you and you come closer to him and then bam! He's back to being a distant person.
I do not think for one minute that you should be shouldering all of the blame of this mess. As I have stated several times, he has major issues and I think that once things get comfortable, he looks for excuses to leave the marriage...and yes, there very well could be an affair partner, i.e, on the job, i.e., physical or emotional affair. He is saying and doing the exact same things he did the last time around 2 years ago.
He is using any and all excuses to walk away from this relationship. The fact that you've put on weight is no excuse and yes, you can lose the weight. What about him? I'm sure he's changed quite a bit in the last two years. No one stays the same and there are things that we can do to improve ourselves....but we do the improvements for us...not them. You have to be happy within your own skin. It is not your job to make him happy. Happiness comes from within and this man hasn't been happy for a very, very long time. IT IS NOT YOU....IT IS HIM.
Get off the crazy train and start detaching even more so. You are allowing him to hold you hostage in an emotional cage. Don't allow this man to do that. You are a person and should be treated with respect.
KC, we can post to you all day long, but until you are ready to get off that crazy train and really and truly focus on you and what you need to get through each day...nothing will change.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
