Pommy, sounds like you handled the conversation with H really well. Keep trying to strike that balance of listening and validating and keeping your emotions out of it.
Regarding telling the girls, I understand you want them to know this isn't your doing but be very, very careful about this. Kids tend to blame themselves even though that makes no sense. What you should stress is that it isn't about them, and that both of you will continue to support them. No matter what happens to the M, that you will both continue to be their loving parents and put them first. Here's the thing about blame- you think it's his fault, he thinks it's your fault. You say he is the one moving out and pushing for D, he says it's because you were a bad wife and neglected him. Who is right? Your kids won't know, it will just confuse and upset them. This is why most states have gone to no-fault D, it's just too hard to sort out who is to blame in these situations.
