I don't want a divorce II ---- NEW THREAD Part 2

[oceangrl]

Okay. He is jerking you around back and forth.

First throwing you a bone: eat sherbet with me. Next time (in an upbeat tone): No thanks! I'm good for the night!
Being nice to you when it suits him.

Rejecting you: reminding you of your sins and how you are't HIS perfect goddess anymore. Leaving home magazines and papers on the table. Does that seem very nice to you? Does that seem something a friend would do?

KitCat, you made mistakes. Take a look at the above and see that he is being and a**hole right now. And it works for him to have you carry all the baggage around and wear the "worst spouse ever" crown. It's time to take it off. And throw it away.

You will feel sorrow. Grief. Anger. It's okay to process that. I have to remind myself there is a fine line between my feeling the very real sorrow of my situation and living there and letting it run my life.

Today is my birthday. My birthday wish is for you to STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP.

Have a new morning routine. Wake up. Feel your feelings. And then I want you to visualize you at your best self. And then find some mantras that work for you. You can borrow mine if you want to. I tell myself:
Yes, this is hard. But I can do this because I am amazing.
I am worthy of love. Especially from myself.
Yes, he does not choose me, which is hard. But I choose myself, I will take care of myself, so I will be okay.
He is abandoning me. Thank goodness I Will never abandon myself.
I also had to be brutal about him too. When your husband is hiding on the phone, roll your eyes and think, "what a loser." yeah i know. Not nice. But he is not being nice to you and that will help you flip the script.

When you feel that hurt, feel it and then pick yourself back up. When we hit something so horrible we have an inner child within us that needs to be taken care of. Tell that little girl inside of you that this hurts, but she is safe. You will take care of her. That may sound a little woo woo, but it helps.

He isn't being a nice husband. He's not being a friend. He's not even treating you like he would a stranger on the street. He is jerking you around and you are a plan b. Do you want to be someone's plan b? Changing his passwords is a bad sign. Don't let it destroy you. Roll your eyes and think "whatever loser. I'm so glad I don't treat people like that."

We are here for you today. You are not alone.