Pommy: my H left 18 months ago. Weirdly, we never did talk to the kids about it, I was too distraught and trying to stay strong for the kids to discuss the situation or him. Since then we have not discussed H much, other than me revealing to them how his mum abandoned him and his sister when they were teens and having lots of affairs. They have connected the dots.
That said, both my kids are happier since H left. I think maybe they miss him a bit (they only see him once a week for about an hour, but then they barely saw him before he left). For years H was angry, shouted a lot, went to bed at 9pm and left at 6am and was usually too tired to do anything at the weekends and shut himself away watching sport or doing his own thing. He was miserable to live with, and I think the kids have benefited from him leaving and not having to walk on eggshells all the time. They also don't have to watch him being horrible to me, as he was intermittently for years. Yes, the reason he was horrible to me was because of his own unhappiness, but I still tolerated his behaviour and that was not a great R model for them. If H and I ever start D proceedings, I will be more open with the kids. For now, I simply do not really know what to say, other than to tell them frequently that I love them, and to show them with my actions that I am making my life my own. The other day I wandered upstairs singing a song and ds1 said 'stop being so HAPPY!' and that made me smile, to know how far I have come in the last year and a half. Separation was an utter shock to me, H dropped a total bomb on me, but in a way it has been easier than living with someone miserable. You will survive, your kids will survive. This situation is horrible but as one of the stickys up there says, it won't kill you.
