1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[Pommy99]

I know some folks will say it is best for the kids to approach them together as a team, but your girls are old enough and I one thousand percent am behind your call here. There is no need for you to solve this one for him, even though I do agree that he should discuss with you anything he wants to say before he says it (obvs) and you can be there with him when he tells them. Honestly... I think letting him wind through this on his own could potentially slow this whole train down a bit. This gets real very quickly when he starts really thinking about the kids and needs to plan out what to say.

I do intend for this conversation to take place as a family but I’m not going to write his script for him. I will, however, make sure I understand what he is going to say. This morning he wanted use the concept of ILYB, together with the fact he’s not happy being with me. I have made him think hard about the message he is giving to two teenage girls. I sent him this, from an article written by someone reflecting on their childhood experience of separation:

“This moment, when my family broke apart irreplaceably, became a pivotal point in my future expectations of men and relationships. It doesn’t matter if they love me, they’ll leave because I’m not enough”

I absolutely want him to think about the underlying message of his words and what they will take from it. Of course they have a certain level of maturity, and D15 is just starting to discover romantic relationships of her own. They are not emotionally mature enough, however, to understand the complexities of love and desire, and they still have a deep need for emotional and physical security at this transitional age. Their world will be rocked anyway, and my concern is how they interpret his reasons for leaving a M.

And whilst I somewhat agree that it is important to put one’s own happiness first, and that this is a value I would want them to live by, there are consequences of doing so, and I am struggling with the fact when it comes to children, you don’t just walk out. They have emotional needs too. That’s what you sign up to when you have children.

But then I think, what am I asking for here? To keep an unhappy H here with us? What is the point of that? Neither of us want the sitch to continue as is, so what other options are there?