You are so right Alison, and I am mindful of the whole 'didn't break him can't fix him' thing. H has not been too critical lately, just very, very moany which is more about his life than me. He left to find 'happiness' and he seems more miserable than he's ever been. Oh well. Not my problem, even if he thinks it is. My IC said several times that H's behaviour is the equivalent of self harm and I see a lot of that. Saying that, he might have been listening to me a tiny bit as he has said he is going to take a month off in April once some work stuff is resolved. Well, he said that initially and then last time I saw him it had changed to 2 or 3 weeks. Betting it will end up a week or 10 days, nowhere near long enough to recover. He has made tiny progress though, I dropped the word 'burnout' into conversation and he's inching towards seeing that his health problems might be more stress related than purely physical (not that those aren't completely inseparable). He also said he's not going to compete for the top job, I think the threats spooked him, and I think he's finally realising that this level of work stress is doing harm to his health. He looked even more overweight when I saw him last weekend, probably too much drinking and definitely not enough exercise, his build is naturally slim so whilst he is probably not overweight his belly says otherwise and contributes to his health problems. I said I supported his decision to step back and that health was the most important thing, and that no job was worth dying for. His health has worsened again since this latest drama. He seems deeply depressed, I can't comprehend how he manages to work 70 hours a week in this state but that's his choice.

This week is school holidays, all my friends are away and my usual routine has been disrupted. I've realised how much this affects how I feel, not getting that basic social contact and having structure. I've been working on my art, but I have to go seek out company, and also accountability for my work projects, it's hard having to motivate myself towards something difficult but worthwhile when it's all on me to make it happen. My teens are spending half the day asleep and the younger one is grumpy from not doing anything. Dragging them out is tough! Next week is very busy and also very social, so maybe I just need to focus on working towards my goals right now and exercise myself out of this week's funk. I feel lonely this week, but I can see that's nothing to do with H really, and that I have to take care of myself even though it's hard. There is no point me blaming him for my stuff, just because he does that to me smile This weekend I don't have to take ds2 to his activity nor ds1 to work, so I'm going away for the weekend. H can moan about work to himself, I'm not going to be his one hour unloading slot.