1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[may22]

I didn’t make contact with H all day, after I had left for work. He slept in the spare room, I cleared the top of his bedside cabinet and put his things in the drawer. Maybe that was cruel, but I was feeling like this is my MBR now, you’re choosing not to be in it. I knew he went to see the rental at 10am but I didn’t contact him to ask how it went. He txt me about 3pm to ask if I was ok. I replied 2 hrs later just to say yes, good thanks. He tried to call about 6pm but I ignored it. I then came home at 7pm and he commented that I was late so I simply said yeah, busy day, and left it at that.

Nice job-- I know that is all so hard to not respond or contact your H. I don't think it was cruel to clear his stuff off the cabinet. Not at all.

He’s decided to take the rental which left me a bit shocked but I said it sounded cool. His response was well not really, and proceeded to tell me how down and depressed he feels about it all, frightened, fearful, but that he needed to step back and press the reset button and get out if this cycle of emotions.. I validated but didn’t enter into further conversation about it, other than when he asked what I thought about it and I said in a positive tone that something needs to break the cycle. I feel like I said the wrong thing. Or did I? I’ve previously been very clear that it’s not what I want but today I’ve shown him the IDGAF attitude.

I mean... I think he DOES need to break the cycle. Something needs to change. And just because he's saying he decided to take the rental doesn't necessarily mean he'll go all the way through with it. maybe what he needs more than anything is to get a bit of space and break from all of this (including the EAP) so that he can get his head on straight. Do you know (or care) what is going on with that at the moment? I definitely felt with my H that his declarations of he was thinking of moving to the basement or getting an apartment were driven by the desire to be able to tell AP that he was making progress towards breaking it off with me, but he never actually did it.

We discussed what he would tell the children. He said he will say that he loves me but he’s not sexually attracted to me. (Here we go again .). Then he realised how utterly ridiculous and inappropriate that was for two young teenage girls. He needs to rethink that one. I’ve made it clear that I don’t in any way support his decision to leave, that there’s no “we” have decided -it’s all him.

Holy cr@p, Pommy. That just shows you how insane his mind is right now. Glad he realized it for himself and you didn't have to say anything. I know some folks will say it is best for the kids to approach them together as a team, but your girls are old enough and I one thousand percent am behind your call here. There is no need for you to solve this one for him, even though I do agree that he should discuss with you anything he wants to say before he says it (obvs) and you can be there with him when he tells them. Honestly... I think letting him wind through this on his own could potentially slow this whole train down a bit. This gets real very quickly when he starts really thinking about the kids and needs to plan out what to say.

I know exactly how you feel, being so angry with him. I *have* done the 2 am waking him up and saying stupid stuff and I inevitably regretted it. (luckily my H was always so tired I don't know how much of what I said he actually retained.) It is OK to be angry. It is not fair what is happening, but it is what it is and you need to decide how you want to deal with it. I think you've been handling yourself with class and strength and you'll keep doing that no matter what. One thing that really has helped me immensely in the last few weeks is that stoicism video that was going around here on someone's post-- for whatever reason, the sports "you control how you play" has been really helpful for me. I listen to it a lot and it has helped me with letting go. So you can't control what he is doing. But you can control you from going into that room at 2 am. You get to choose how you respond to his insanity.

(((Pommy))) you're so strong. you got this.