1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[Pommy99]

Your H just sounds so confused and I do think you need to do everything you can to remove yourself from getting dragged around in his circus. If that means planning your life w/o him, then that is what you should do. Hang in there.

I know this is absolutely what I need to do but it hurts like h3ll and right now I feel so sick (it’s 2am and I can’t sleep).

I didn’t make contact with H all day, after I had left for work. He slept in the spare room, I cleared the top of his bedside cabinet and put his things in the drawer. Maybe that was cruel, but I was feeling like this is my MBR now, you’re choosing not to be in it. I knew he went to see the rental at 10am but I didn’t contact him to ask how it went. He txt me about 3pm to ask if I was ok. I replied 2 hrs later just to say yes, good thanks. He tried to call about 6pm but I ignored it. I then came home at 7pm and he commented that I was late so I simply said yeah, busy day, and left it at that.

He’s decided to take the rental which left me a bit shocked but I said it sounded cool. His response was well not really, and proceeded to tell me how down and depressed he feels about it all, frightened, fearful, but that he needed to step back and press the reset button and get out if this cycle of emotions.. I validated but didn’t enter into further conversation about it, other than when he asked what I thought about it and I said in a positive tone that something needs to break the cycle. I feel like I said the wrong thing. Or did I? I’vepreviously been very clear that it’s not what I want but today I’ve shown him the IDGAF attitude.

We discussed what he would tell the children. He said he will say that he loves me but he’s not sexually attracted to me. (Here we go again .). Then he realised how utterly ridiculous and inappropriate that was for two young teenage girls. He needs to rethink that one. I’ve made it clear that I don’t in any way support his decision to leave, that there’s no “we” have decided -it’s all him.

I’m so angry with him for choosing this path right now. D15 has final year exams in 12 weeks and D 13 has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I’m pretty sure this is in part related to her home life - she must sense something. She is very clingy and constantly asking for us to do things as a family. It’s school hols this week and she is pushing and pushing for the 4 of us to spend some days together, and so disappointed when I said it might be just dad taking you to xxx, or.just mum.

I know I can’t stop what is happening, I’m just in disbelief that we are actually breaking up. The pain of thinking this is final is too much to bear right now. Trying so hard not to venture into spare room at 2am and initiate a R talk,which would inevitably be me pleading with him not to go. I don’t think I have ever pleaded with him up to now, but the urge is really strong