Right now you can't believe anything he says. Nothing. Everything he says it's for effect. Or has a purpose. An agenda.
What's his agenda?
He is done. He has spent years driving to a home where he has felt unloved. He has been spending time with friends and enjoying every minute of it. He has no joy here. He feels we can't even make a simple trip an hour away without arguing.
I pushed him out the door. Why did I act jealous??? He is not having an A. He has been faithful but he feels he has been married to a bully.
Now he is being the bully -- he stated when it was first in his head he just wanted Separation to figure things out, now he wants divorce. Cut and dry. He states he will be working next weekend but after that will be gone all weekend. He is looking to still be here until the divorce or separation is finalized.
He said if I leave him alone - don't go snooping, be respectful and I don't screw him over then he will happily come over and help me paint the whole house and even help me move out and help S18 move to college.
I asked if the respect would go both ways... he said trust me. I won't be calling you. I will leave you alone. I will not be doing any booty calls. You need to heal and move on.
This all came down to 1) not showing him enough affection, 2) my actions in doing work on back yard didn't show I was ever going to leave, 3) I don't listen to him... its true, he has been after met to do X,Y,Z and suddenly I'm on board with getting it down. I pictured getting the yard done up nice... When we were talking to the fence people about options he seemed like he was changing his mind so I just said we can have dirt brought in... that led to more landscaping and he is like A - I cut him off and B - more money is being spent.
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I asked you before, do you really want to be married to someone that only loves you thin and if he can spend limitlessly? If you lose weight, let him but anything he wants, after a few years you'd be the one walking away.
That's the anger. If I was giving him the affection he wanted the 28lb wouldn't mattter. If I wasn't so controlling with the money... If I wasn't so controlling in general. He feels like a prisoner.
If I could be the woman he married... but he is determined I cannot ever be... I cannot change and he will not allow himself the disappointment of one more lost promise.
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KC this is your second go around. You should be much better at DBing then this. You should spend some GAL time reading the book again. In my sitches I became a knowledge sponge. I was reading 2-3 books a month. You can do this. What didn't kill is makes us stronger.
You are right... I should be WAY better at this... Why am I not???? I read tons of books last time. Maybe the part of me that knows him so well knows that he is past the point of no return??? We've been on this hard path but last time he didn't say a word to his parents. He has now told them. Maybe I know he cannot be DB a second time?
There are lots of success stories here... I was one of them but I failed to keep my marriage going...
His goal is to be out of the house in 30-60 days??? But, then he states he won't leave until a separation agreement or divorce agreement is final, but I believe in this state there is a 6mo cooling off period between separation and divorce. This is where I get confused by what he says but frankly he is confused by what he says. He is sleep deprived.
I can't believe that he tells me that I was a goddess... he has never called me that before. I wish he would have. I now think of all those things in my head that I should have been saying to him... I was looking forward to motorcycle riding with him and fishing on the boat...
Now if I say - hey, I found some sweet back roads to take with the bike to this lovely restaurant with home made pan fried chicken. It sounds contrite and a ploy to get him to stay rather than say I was looking forward to continuing this life venture with you.
