Through The Storm III

[may22]

HI KG,

You sound like you're really holding up well through all of this... I'm really proud and happy for you.

She is clearly and directly stating that she has chosen our R and that she is working on a daily basis to get through the grief and loss of her AP before committing to me. This is also why she wants to wait with any intimacy. She has expressed that she is thankful that I am giving her the time and that it feels a lot like grief, but it is getting easier. She said some days are harder than others but she's pushing forward. She just wants to be able to move forward our lives.

From where I'm sitting, even though I know it doesn't feel good to you, it looks pretty good to me. Some of this is obviously familiar to me but she seems more balanced, more cognizant of how her behavior has affected you, more thoughtful about the process and has more self-knowledge about what this will all take than my H does.

And FWIW I think it is probably true. I have spent some time trying to put myself in the WS's shoes and I'm sure this piece-- the breakup, the grieving, the getting ready for the hard work of R with the LBS-- is incredibly difficult. Sometimes I think that because you and I have weird relationships with our WSs we are just seeing the process that might always play out at some level, but we have a front-row seat instead of it happening when they've moved out and we are NC until they come back asking to R. And/or, because we have kept those lines of communication open, it takes longer because they don't need to really feel and experience what it means to lose you-- they have to use their imaginations.