As far as DBing goes, I will keep working on myself and GALing. For me. I am going to avoid any R talks or anything about MR. I am not clear on if I am supposed to be doing the LRT or exactly what that means for me. Any thoughts on that?
LRT is for a very specific set of circumstances. The book explains it better than I can. However, I think you need to be doing something similar. Sometimes called "going dark". The rules are pretty straight forward:
- Never initiate contact. Unless it is only on logistics: "What time will you be picking up the kids this evening?" Keep short and about business only. No niceties. "Hi hon, hope you are having a good day. What time are you picking the kids up this evening?" is wrong. - If he initiates contact, phonecalls go to VM. If it is important he'll leave a message. If he does leave a VM then you use the rules for texting below.
If it is a text then: if it is informational no need to respond. If he says: "Hey I got a promotion today!" You: No response. IF he asks a direct question, do not answer right away, and then when you do answer it in as few words as possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers.
ocean, most LBSs, and especially LBWs think "that's too cold! I have to respond."
No you don't. Remember HE asked for space. HE fired you as his W. Give him what he wants.
The tricky part for me is that we aren't separated yet. And he doesn't want to do that until we "have a plan" for the kids, etc. He wants me to come up with the plan. I don't know what to say. This is his D.
So I can follow your advice perfectly every other week when he is out of town (for work). But the week he is in town, he still sleeps in our bed and everything. So I am not clear how to approach this.
I was never S. Yet I implemented those rules even in person. I was there. I was present. I was upbeat. I always had a song or a whistle on my lip. When she asked me something I answered cheerfully. I didn't initiate conversation. When she did I listened and validated.
The idea here ocean is that he is like a cat. You know how cats are, right? They want to approach you...on their terms. Our cat can be walking towards me. Obviously wanting to jump up and lay on the recliner with me. But if I make a motion towards here, bend down and put my arms out, reach for her, etc....she will run the other direction. But if I just keep doing what I am doing. Watching TV, reading on my phone, etc. She will slowly make her way to me and jump up onto my lap when she is ready.
Let him approach and jump in your lap. And even then, play it cool.............
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
