And then she asked me about my day. I told her I had a weird day and then went on to tell her about it.
I told her that I had some weird coincidences occur over the past couple of days and that I had been praying a lot. I told her that it came to me with clarity the pain she went through after the birth of our daughter and how she felt left at home alone and how I made it worse, and I apologized for it. She began to cry quiet tears, just running down her cheeks. I also thanked her for helping me to become a better man and I went over some of the things I outlined above.
I told her it was hard to know what to share and what to hold in because of where we were, she asked me to share. I shared with her a poem I wrote recently about my grandmother and she cried as she read it. It was very intimate emotionally. She talked about her deceased grandfather and how she wishes she could see him again.
The night got a bit late and I said it was time to go to bed. As we fell asleep she said "Thank you for sharing tonight"
Now I know that is not our of Divorce Busting 101, I get it.
OK well as Steve said you'll find out soon enough if any of this is having an impact on her. It might, who knows. My gut feeling is you are about to experience BD all over again and you will be shocked because the progress you think is happening is actually just a smokescreen to soften you up for a more amicable split.
Also just a side note- when she asks "how was your day" then it's usually because she wants to talk about hers. So just say it was good and ask about hers. Then LISTEN and VALIDATE. I think you try a little too hard to show her just how caring and sensitive and stuff you are, but if you REALLY want to show her, then master LISTENING and VALIDATING.
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I also want to point out, because it's been brought up a lot, I am the Alpha in the house. This is a real struggle for my wife as she wants to be equal partners. I generally appear impervious to pain and insults, I seem uncaring and unemotional, I'm physically a bit imposing, and I have never shared my feelings or been able to get in touch with them.
NONE of that is what being an alpha is all about. That's just being an a-hole.
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Through all our counseling my wife wanted to connect emotionally. I'm not going to let this happen every day, I understand that it would become weak if that were the case and appear as manipulation. But showing her a soft side that I'm working on, that she wants and letting her know its there has got to be good.
It's just not a good idea with a WAS. It's ineffective and can undermine your position. You'll find out after the meeting with the pastor and after the mediation meeting where she really stands. If, as I suspect, you find out she's still done, then please go back and reread the advice you're getting here and start to take it to heart and implement it.
