Look, I get it. I'm supposed to GAL and ignore this. The books say I should go out, find friends, have fun. My problem is that I'm an introvert and going out clubbing, drinking, or socializing has never appealed to me at all. I don't have many friends and I'm not particularly close to family. Socializing is a bit of a nightmare for me, and I don't enjoy it. It sounds crazy, but I think I love working, learning, and being productive. I love doing something that's meaningful or fulfilling to me, which gives me a feeling of accomplishment. Work now is our business, so I have a hard time loving it because it's marred by the problems in our relationship.
Originally Posted by oceangrl
I read some good advice here one time that GAL-ing looks different for everyone. I LOVE to learn, so for me, I started taking a bunch of online courses. I started reading books again that interested me. I looked up a class I could take to learn something I wanted to that didn't require teamwork. There is a way to GAL that looks interesting to you. I am not a clubber and I don't drink, so bars are out for me. I had lost connection to myself for so long I seriously had to figure out what I wanted to do and what I was interested in. If you read or take courses, you could always do it outside or in a park. I live near the ocean, so I like to take a blanket down to the beach and sit and try to think positive thoughts and feel the wind and watch people and smell the ocean breeze. Just taking a walk can recharge my batteries.
As far as your relationship, I would just accept that for right now you aren't sure what you are going to do, and that's okay. You're right, your H isn't particularly attractive right now. I would have anger build up in me and I finally am learning how to listen to it. Last night, I felt so angry at my husband that I had to go sit in the bathroom before I said something angry or dumb. I had to really think about where my anger was coming from. I realized I was so hurt because he ignored me and focused on the kids. We sat in the same house and he never had a conversation with me, and I am a words person. I sat and put my hand on my heart and sent love to myself. I try to remember he may not choose me or he may abandon me, but I can choose myself and decide not to abandon myself. That's why I am working so hard on detaching. It's the hardest thing for me. When I feel pain and want to lash out at him, I know I still haven't detached. Its hard because it can be so lonely, I want affection so much. But I also know I cannot be dependent on him for my happiness.
I've noticed when I get better at detaching, I usually have a few days where I regress. I think this is because it can be so hard to go out of our comfort zone, so hard to create new habits. We have this old habit of going to them for fulfillment, and I have read that our brains don't actually like to think, they like patterns. So I have to realize what my pattern is and create new "wagon ruts" in my brain for it to follow. It is not easy!
Best of luck. We are all here for you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
