oceangrl ~ There is no way to describe how awful these experiences are.
I think every WAS struggles with accepting the change that may be coming. We identify strongly with our happily married selves. It is completely jarring to have to think about how our lives might be (might**) turned upside down.
When I was faced with this fear I consulted a L, talked to a D’ed friend with kids, and slowly started to work on being okay with whatever the outcome was. I understood my rights, the range of outcomes should a D happen, and saw how people do make it out sometimes happier. Although at the time i felt “wrong” for seeking legal advice, it really calmed my nerves and actually helped me weather the emotional roller coaster much better. Because I knew I did not need to worry about certain scenarios.
It really helped me start to accept that the only way forward was to accept whatever comes my way and be ready - reconciliation, D, whatever. I still hoped for R, but I didn’t tether my emotional well being to it. Easy to say and excruciating to do. I’m not 100% there.
The best thing you can do for you and your kids is take care of yourself and be there for them. The rest is largely outside your control.
Hang in there. You can and will be a stronger and happier person no matter what happens!
