Today is such a hard day

[oceangrl]

I felt like I was doing well last night, but I am barely keeping it together this morning.

I am realizing that I can be okay without him. That he hasn't been that nice to me and I don't want to beg someone to be with me.

I just feel like I am living in a nightmare. I am just in shock that I have to try to find a lawyer today because I know nothing (and never thought I would need to) about child sharing issues and financial matters. I am frightened of the future and what this process will be like. I can't imagine telling my kids this. It will break their hearts. The crazy thing is we don't really fight, so I don't know how much they will see this coming.

He wants us to have switch our kids every other week. I can't bear the idea. I am a stay at home mom. That is what I do. I can't imagine being without them for a full week. I hate this so much. I have to figure out what the norm is for my state and what to expect. I am just in shock today.

Driving today a guy pulled out in front of me and I almost hit him and slammed on the brakes. He screamed at me, flipped me off, chased me a bit. One of my kids was in the car. Normally I would have been upset but calmer. This just set off all the feelings I have had locked up and I just started shaking and was trying hard not to sob and totally lose it in front of my son. I always feel like I am one step away from losing my composure in the middle of the store, etc.